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(This article was originally published in the WFC Programme in the 2001-02 season. It has not been changed, and may no longer be fully up-to date)
Professional pie-eater, Paul Allison, considers the half-time cuisine scene
Well, when it comes to match-day tea bars, my priorities might well differ from the majority - as a committed vegetarian, the barbecues of County League sides Wick and Westfield are not for me, nor the cheeseburgers of Wealdstone and Walton.
What really gets me going is the prospect of “cheesy chips”, as sold at Thame United. Cheap, inventive, and a possibly questionable mixture of protein and carbohydrates (depending on which diet plan you subscribe to), when mixed with tomato sauce, cheesy chips truly are a half-time delicacy par excellence.
Honourable mentions must go to Carshalton and Whyteleafe. Carshalton for their home-brewed slush puppies (only available at the chip hut next to the ground, NOT the burger van inside), guaranteed to make you a figure of fun for all those around you. I had the peach version, and felt the furry tongue build-up when I was less than half-way down! Whyteleafe take the award for the most inventive use of a tea urn, using the hot water in conjunction with a microwave to knock out trays of Super Noodles. I kid you not – when I was last there (League Cup game in the midst of the 2000 Petrol Crisis), I plumped for the Thai Curry version, resplendent in a white polystyrene chip tray, garnished with a buttered roll. Very filling, and I didn’t find hands constantly reaching for them as you would with chips. In fact, I didn’t find anyone near me for a good 15 minutes until the Thai Curry aroma had dissipated.
The best overall tea bar in our division has to be, without question, down the road at Bognor. Even when wearing Worthing colours, the service in there is always fast and friendly, with a massive selection (even for me), including the ultimate hangover cure: the fried egg sandwich. There’s even the famous Bread Pudding, if you like that kind of thing – not for me, though – when it comes to bread I’m keeping it savoury.
Having said that, my most memorable eating experience actually took place at Yeading earlier this season, in a freezing league cup encounter watched by a mere 50 people (where the Rebels made up two-thirds of the crowd). Due to an unfortunate family incident, the tea bar was not able to be opened, as those left at the club did not have the keys. This didn’t stop Andy from getting hold of a local number and six of us ordered pizzas and garlic bread to be delivered to the turnstile, which duly arrived in time for the interval. Anyone who has been to The Warren will remember that it is at the end of a particularly unappealing (and downright dangerous looking) industrial estate road in West London, and we were convinced the delivery boy would take one look at it and decide it was a hoax! Nonetheless, he braved it and I was rewarded with a Vegetarian Supreme on the terraces!
7th Feb 2004