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Without further ado Sick Boy educates the unwilling eye into Worthing's vom hotspots (mainly Tarring, but occasionally we do travel further afield!)

The Downview - Sick Boy's local, although not really my 'local' (it's the 3rd nearest pub to my place) I have adopted it, and so have WFCSAFC as their post match boozer. Interesting range of pennants on the bar, from Taulke Finance to Bognor, to Worthing Dynamoes, to Ferrari.

Drink is cheap, most pints under £2, Harvey’s a steal at £1.85, and a decent place to watch live football, with a big screen. With internationals stay clear of the 'Ingerlund' contingent that reside in there.

The Downview has stuff going on all the time, Live music, and even karaoke (until I broke the machine!). One highlight of the Downview is it's pub fight night. On a random night (best go in every night to make sure you see it) there will be a good, old fashioned pub fight. Usually one of the 16 year olds has had one too many (two) Strongbows and taken their vengeance out on someone who has looked at them. Usually lots of locals join in the entertainment, by holding a shoulder of a participant and screaming 'It's naawt wuuurf it' and then 'yaaawr a better person than he is'. When the fun has died down the two chavs involved shake hands, compare fake ID's and share a Breezer between them.

Regarding staff, friendly souls, staff seem to change week in week out, so no consistency in the way of something to look at when the football on TV's a bit dull. Sometimes ok, sometimes nothing. Take your pick (but beware, Formoy, WFCSAFC's ex studmuffin resides there, anyone half good looking he has earmarked… obviously)

As far as vomiting is concerned, rich pickings here indeed. The two cubicles have no lock and very little toilet paper, but the urinals are festooned with gutbutter, so yours won't make a difference.... unless it's a veggie curry after a few WFC approved Aftershocks and you're on the pull... BAD SICK BOY!

Outside is fantastic for a handy technicolour yawn. With Ace Burger nearby, stomach bile will be flowing freely. For example after a chance meeting with a WFCSAFC glue footed legend (Tim Olney) your very own writer proceeded to attempt to reproduce Sunday's 4-4-2 formation on the pavement outside Alldays, much to the repulsion of everyone.

Moving up the road we have the George and Dragon. A bit too old man for me so I barely go there. Places to be sick: My house is just nearby, a carpark round the side, or in front of the Parsonage, Tarrings' classiest resaurant. Go on, put the snobs off their roast duck!

A little more up the road we have The Vine, which I WOULD actually like if I could go in there! A decent pub selling decent beer with a garden (perfect for vomiting in I imagine). sadly this vomiter can't go in there for fear of bumping into his ex-girlfriend who scares the hell out of him, therefore off the list!

Recent trips to The Vine include a friend and I running through the pub to look for loos on our way home, then walking sheepishly back as they were near the front (I think?) after relieving ourselves in outside huts! Another seeing WFCSAFC's disgraced captain peer through the Vine windows and pronounce 'URRRRRGH' on sight of said ex.

Moving further up is yet another bar we've disgraced ourselves in, Thomas A' Becket. It's a bit too posh and pricy for my liking, the seats are cushioned, there are posh sofas and the carpet is clean. Not good! It has quite decent staff at times, better than the Vine, and probably edging the Downview by an eyelash.

The benches outside are perfect for utilising the Mandarin chippy, or possibly giving the passing traffic a nice view of it a few minutes later!

Moving inside, last time we went I re-introduced my onion rings and chips into the wild after a nice conversation with Salt, then a 50 metre dash to the toilets themed with racist graffiti, then not making it 'quite' that far and just letting go there and then.

Needless to say we left soon after and it'll be a LOOOONG while before we go back.

Going West into the classier area of Durrington (bruv) we get to The Golden Lion. DO NOT BE SICK HERE!

Decent enough beer, a wide selection of real beers as well as lager tat, along with a big screen, but despite a nice veneer, there lies a vile underbelly. The locals are less than friendly, and according to an unsourced barmaid there are a LOT of old men that spend their whole day there. There are also a LOT of chavs that 'enjoy' it's facilities, some even try and recreate the Downview atmosphere with the odd pub fight, however unles you are of ill mind I suggest you don't join in, there'll be less locals breaking you up, and more cheering the other bloke on (not speaking from past experience - I'm a pacifist!)

The staff there are a bit ID heavy, and a bit attitudey, but Martin's sister works there too, so there's some respite from the moany old chavs that live behind there!

On our way to Lower Salvington (that’s what you'd like to think!) we arribe at The Lamb, post match drinkery of WFCSAFC. We usually fill up the smaller bar with the 'Millionaire' quiz machine, all you can eat chips and Harvey’s. Everything a self respecting vomiter like myself would want.

Bar Staff are a bit too male for my fancyings, so... err, no comment. In terms of sick-holes, I haven't used the loos yet and the car park is a bit... blatant. We're usually finished early and go on elsewhere so no time for gutbutter at such an early stage in the day.

Anyway, you've heard the truth, now go forth and vomit!

May the carrots and peas be with you!

Love Nick x

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