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(This article was first published in the Worthing FC Programme in the 2002-2003 season)
Like a bat out of hell…
Walton & Hersham
Will we be waltzing in Walton or hurting in Hersham? Will anyone go to find out? After some bandit at Ryman League HQ decreed that this should be a midweek fixture, the travelling band of Rebels and their accompanying pikachu army have been cruelly denied a chance to visit the Waggon & Horses en route.
Can the scene of last season’s best song (“I’m in the mood for Vanson”) see a Rebels’ victory? Will the new white away kit be as jinxed as last season’s navy blue? And what colour shorts will we wear? The trip here is pretty simple, as the ground sits in a sports centre in a quiet residential street just inside the M25. Don’t expect a palatial clubhouse mind, as they knock out canned beer from a scout hut near the turnstiles. The pitch is surrounded by an atmosphere-sapping track, but the view from the tennis centre end is not too bad given the elevation, but you’ll be struggling to see over the high-jump at the other goal.
Sagittarius: Make sure you eat wisely to steady your nerves – an exciting time is just around the corner.
Tooting & Mitcham United
A new stadium, a new beginning? After leaving their decrepit yet historic Sandy Hill ground, T&M have located to an all-new shiny stadium near the tram-line, although as it’s another mid-weeker most plans for a Leo Sayer on the way there will doubtless be shelved.
The ground is called Imperial Fields, evoking images of a minty cricketer. The breeze-block quotient of the ground is under investigation, but reports from the Horsham clubhouse barman suggested that they are charging Premier League prices. £7 to get in, £2.50 a pint in the clubhouse, and £2.50 a burger (cheese is an extra 30p!).
Defeat capitalism: Why not buy a few packets of Kraft cheese slices on the way, and stand next to the burger stand charging 25p a slice?
Corinthian Casuals
Resplendent in their chocolate and pink quartered shirts with sky blue pantaloons, immaculately greased moustaches and smoking a pipe, Corinthian Casuals are a throwback to a more innocent era. An era where boys would be down t’pit twenty-five hours a day. Famous for giving their name to a Brazilian team of the same name (Corinthians, from Brazil), Jimmy Hill is their illustrious president (trumped only by Windsor & Eton being able to call on the Duke).
The name comes from a range of small, plastic football caricature figures (£3.99 from all good toy shops), and the Casuals bit was added after a merger with a band of Chelsea hoolies in the late-70’s. To this day, the team can be seen arriving in a range of Fred Perry, Hackett and Burberry leisurewear before each game.
To get to Corinthia, follow signs for Arcadia then take a left at Athenia. If you reach Utopia than you’ve gone too far.
Fact: In the olden days of yore, whenever Corinthians were awarded a penalty, they would intentionally miss, and whenever a penalty was awarded against them for foul play, the goalkeeper would stand aside to allow an open goal. Muppets.
And I don’t think I can take it ‘cos
it took so long to bake it and I’ll never have that recipe again
The Flying Horseman
7th Feb 2004