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(This article was first published in the Worthing FC Programme in the 2002-2003 season)
I am the proudest monkey...
Met Police
You’d think they’d play at Hendon, wouldn’t you? Of course that would put them in North division, and that simply wouldn’t do, would it? Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. No, the Met Police are holed up at Imber Court, a plush sports and social complex in East Molesey (don’t get your Hampton Court!).
In keeping with the recent terrace discussions about donning fancy dress to the last away match of the season (Whyteleafe), I’m all for wearing black and grey hooped jumpers, masks round our eyes and carrying sacks marked “SWAG” to this one!
By all accounts, this ground has the poshest pitch and bar in the whole of the Ryman, just no supporters to come and watch. But we’ll be there, oh yes…
Work teams: Don’t you just love ‘em? We get Ford United and the Met Police, not to mention Ford Sports (Daventry) and Vauxhall Motors. In Holland, they get PSV Eindhoven (Phillips sports and social club) – when did Bobby Robson ever work in a Phillips factory?
Lewes
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Lewes: it’s just like one big family.
Join the travelling Rebels army at the Dripping Pan. Words which were oh-so-true on our last visit, as scuba gear was needed in order to enter the gents. Labouring under the misconception that they are now a big club, expect Johnny-come-lately Lewes fans reminiscing about the good old days (last season). Parking may be difficult, as the little lane next to the ground (leading to the tip) will fill up quickly with bandwagons.
On the pitch, things could be tricky. Quinn’s side are well-known for their underhand tactics (where do they get it from?), as witnessed at Queen Street on Boxing Day when an off-the-ball challenge led to ex-Rebel goal machine Gavin Geddes being stretchered off. Will “Brighton’s Official Feeder Club” use their extensive squad to defeat the Rebels, or will superior tactics win the day yet again?
Why don’t you:.Turn off the telly and do something a little more interesting instead? Great idea, kids, but how will we watch your programme?
Croydon
Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars. Why Frank, why? You can get just the same atmosphere at Croydon, and as an added bonus, the pitch is almost as far away as Mars. The soulless Arena is in Norwood, a mere tram journey away from the seething mass of humanity that is East Croydon station (the home of Nestle, apparently), or a walk from Norwood Junction (in the other direction from Selhurst Park).
A Wednesday night, a car journey through hellish early-evening South London traffic. You may have done it your way Frank, but I’m doing it mine, so leave it.
Where: Croydon – it says it’s in Surrey, but we know different. You may try and apply for city status to hide the fact that you are in bed with the Big Smoke, but you can’t fool us, Billy-o.
Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman
The Flying Horseman
7th Feb 2004