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(This article was first published in the Worthing FC Programme in the 2002-2003 season)
Aim high, shoot low...
Dulwich Hamlet
Happiness is a pink and blue kit, apparently. Unless you like a bit of a brown, in which case Corinthian Casuals would be right up your alley. The team from the Big Smoke with the little rustic name play host to the mighty Rebels in mid-January – just think, sitting on the A23 with ALL that traffic, all going to Ikea? “Why”, you ask? Why so much fanaticism over reasonably priced Scandinavian flat-packed furniture? “What’s wrong with MFI, you idiot?” you’ll shout out the window at other cars. But they’ll all be wearing the new sweater they got for Christmas and pretend not to hear you. Do the statistics – just one Ikea for the whole slice of Surrey and Sussex! Who wants to pay the quid at the Dartford Tunnel just to go to the one at Thurrock? Would you?
And of course, once you’re past Ikea you’ve got the rest of Croydon to worry about… not to mention Thornton Heath or Streatham.
Ivor the Engine: A train trip beckons. Be warned – do your drinking at London Bridge or East Croydon, as the streets of Dulwich are definitely not paved with yellow bricks.
Banstead Athletic
After watching Worthing stage the luckiest recovery since Lucky McLuck luckily recovered from some particularly bad luck, Bedstead will be looking to avenge their 3-2 defeat at the hands of the Rebels at the start of the season. Can the Bedstead defenders conspire to set us up with two clinching goals in the last 2 minutes again? Will we give Bedstead the customary one-minute lead that we extended to so many teams at the start of the season, just to keep the crowd on their toes? And will the portaloo toilet doors stay shut without someone holding them?
What happens next: To find out the answers to these questions, and many more besides, come along to Merland Rise, Bedstead, on Saturday 1st February.
Metropolitan Police
You’d think they’d play at Hendon, wouldn’t you? Of course that would put them in North division, and that simply wouldn’t do, would it? Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. No, the Met Police are holed up at Imber Court, a plush sports and social complex in East Molesey (don’t get your Hampton Court!).
In keeping with the recent terrace discussions about donning fancy dress to the last away match of the season (Whyteleafe), I’m all for wearing black and grey hooped jumpers, masks round our eyes and carrying sacks marked “SWAG” to this one!
By all accounts, this ground has the poshest pitch and bar in the whole of the Ryman, just no supporters to come and watch. But we’ll be there, oh yes…
Work teams: Don’t you just love ‘em? We get Ford United and the Met Police, not to mention Ford Sports (Daventry) and Vauxhall Motors. In Holland, they get PSV Eindhoven (Phillips sports and social club) – when did Bobby Robson ever work in a Phillips factory?
Why do you have to make things so complicated?
The Flying Horseman
7th Feb 2004