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Looks: Tall,
distinguished (i.e. grey) looks, daft grin
Most likely to say: "Just
leave it behind reception"
NATA Alter-Ego: The
Grey Man is a reference to his silver locks and position as
NATA's elder statesman, rather than a dull sense of clothing
(anything but!) and ability to blend in.
Personal: Ally
is well known to the Tartan Army at large due to his warm,
friendly personality, his organisational flair (the man with
the plan behind the original TAMB t-shirts) and his daft grin.
Always laid back and thoughtful, Ally is often a calming influence
on the rest of NATA, and a handy antidote to Paul’s
and Susan’s neuroses. He’s also usually the sensible
one, often eschewing wanton alcohol abuse in favour of a more
considered approach, and lots of orange and lemonade.
Although Ally has occasionally cut a dash
in his shocking tartan breeks, he is best known for his “home”
and “away” kilts and his complimentary accessories
– definitely the most likely member of NATA to be taken
seriously for having his socks pulled up.
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Looks: Brian
McClair with less hair
Most likely to say: "Two
of the things I've eaten seem to be explosive once combined"
NATA Alter-Ego: The
Camera Man, from his love of lying on his back to take dramatic
shots
Personal: Much
like Jekyll and Hyde, Bruce is capable of effecting a dramatic
transformation from sensible and measured to carefree lunatic,
simply by adding alcohol. A master of late-night timetables
and a veteran of the last train home, Bruce is one of the
main de-stabilising influences within NATA when he gets excitable.
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Looks: Think
H from Steps, with less hair
Most likely to say: "Where’s
the Shareen?", or “Of course I’ll pay for
a taxi. What, for your three boyfriends as well?”
NATA Alter-Ego: Although
dubbed The Blonde Man, Chris has yet to cement this with his
own t-shirt. He best hurry up, because if his hair continues
thinning at it's current rate...
Personal:
Chris hails from Clarkston, on Glasgow’s south side,
but is now seeking his fortune in futures in London, where
the streets are paved with gold and that. Forever moaning
at the price of beer, yet never seems to actually get his
round in. Always drinks less than everyone else (even Susan!).
Chris met Paul and Rich in a Czech bar in
1999, when we helped his travelling companion at the time
(Derek) to get a ticket, however it was Dublin where he came
into his own. Flaunting a “Shaun the sheep” novelty
posing pouch under his kilt, Chris was set upon by a band
of rampant, middle-aged women, and returned shaking, with
tales of how one was now wearing the sheep around her neck
“like a medal”. Chris is also very familiar with
the Kaunas – Vilnius highway.
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Looks: A
Cute, English rose with chubby cheeks
Most likely to say: "I
still haven’t remembered what it is I forgot"
Personal: Paul’s
slightly more sensible half is an accomplished expert at impersonating
Baltic prostitutes. After meeting Paul at University over
a game of pool and a bet on a football match, Helen’s
interest in football meant that her fate was sealed. She has
even won more medals than Paul (who retired at the top of
his game, aged 16) with Lancing Rangers and Upper Beeding
Ladies, and was also the inaugural ATAC Ladies Penalty Shoot
Out champion.
Despite being born in Middlesbrough, Helen
avoided unemployment and does “something to do with
pensions and assurances and that”. She loves to travel
and to watch football, and has even dragged Paul along unwillingly
on occasion, when all he wanted to do was sit in the pub.
An adaptable girl, she is equally as comfortable with wine
or lager, but turns her nose up at shots, unless it’s
German schnapps.
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Most likely to say: "Does
anyone fancy a trip to the Harlow Town v Bishops Stortford
derby?"
NATA Alter-Ego: The
Panic Merchant, for somehow managing to surpass both Paul
and Susan in the doom and gloom stakes
Personal: 50%
of NATA's newest membership, James fell into our ranks by
virtue of knowing Helen through work. Originally from the
promised land, he moved back up from Brighton to the outskirts
of Alloa (which is quite a feat in itself). Has a job that
involves trying to break things, and an obsession with Iceland.
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Most likely to say: "You'll
need to try out our new hot tub"
Personal: NATA's
newest WAG* and James' other half. Another ex-colleague of
Helen's, and one of the more sensible and measured NATA members
(like Bruce sans beer).
* WAG = "Wives And Girlfriends".
C'mon, surely everyone knows that by now!?
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Looks: Jeremy
Spake in a kilt
Most likely to say: "Have
you got one that tastes of frazzles?" or "It’s
like a triangle"
NATA Alter-Ego: The
Fat Man. Not fat, just cuddly! Perhaps a little more "cuddly"
than most, admittedly...
Personal: One
of the founder members of NATA (see About
NATA), Paul moved from Glasgow to Netley Abbey at the
tender age of 11. One of the first people he spoke to at Netley
Juniors was Rich, and he’s been trying to get shot of
him ever since! Paul grew up watching Southampton FC with
Rich and the Wee Man (and a cast of thousands), and it was
at a Saints game that Rich and Paul resolved to join the Scotland
Travel Club and start making the effort to go to games.
Paul enjoys worrying about travel arrangements,
and can instill fear in even the hardiest NATA member by dreaming
ever more “worse case scenarios”.
In addition to running the NATA multi-media
empire, Paul has his own (empty) website here.
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Looks: John
Collins meets Hugh Grant meets a family-size tub of hair gel
Most likely to say: “Oh,
just the milk then”
NATA Alter-Ego:
Ladies’ man? Aye that’ll be right! Rich wears
this title not so much with pride but more so with irony bordering
slight embarrassment; so how did he come by this name? One
story being that of a busty Bremen barmaid who squeezed up
against him and whispered “You smell nice tonight”
with Rich bluntly replying “Yeah, it’s Armani”
before turning away and carrying on with his pint!
Still, occurrences such as this have landed
him with the tag, whilst also providing much ammunition for
the NATA. boys. One example being when we ‘gaffer-taped’
part of the back print on his t-shirt in order for it to read
‘Netley Abbey Tart.’ This is something he strenuously
denies and he would openly admit to seeking the ‘perfect’
girl from any city or nation… or even from the final
year of a comprehensive school! So does he live up to this
reputation? Not really (if you can look beyond the fitted
shirts, arse-hugging-high-waisted trousers and his liking
for pretentious bars!) - if the truth be known, we were stuck
for a name for his t-shirt.
Personal: Rich
first moved to Netley Abbey at the age of nine and attended
the village junior school before moving up to secondary school
in the neighboring village of Hamble. Since then, Rich has
had a career in ‘imports and exports’ (very James
Bond!). As a ‘Scottish-Sotonian’ he is a partisan
Southampton fan and even used to plan his Scotland away trips
in such a way, so as to avoid missing any of the Saints’
home fixtures (until he fell out with the ex-Chairman and
campaigned successfully for his removal).. Likes cats; dislikes
‘Auld’ man’s pubs.
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Looks: Like
you wouldn't want to mess
Most likely to say: "I
like Snoopy"
Personal: Like
the mast on Bruce's galleon, Sharon does her level best to
keep Bruce on an even keel; most of his disasters (such as
the £15 bag of crisps) occurred without her. Recently
bought a house in a leafy Surrey village and is showing signs
of domestication; unusual for a Gourock lassie!
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Looks: Slim
and waifish, often sporting a ridiculously short kilt with
jackboots
Most likely to say: "I
don’t like the long thin ones, I can’t swallow
them"
NATA Alter-Ego: Susan’s
nick name – the Sick Chick – is from often suffering
from poor health whilst on tour; not, as some may like to
claim, down to any distasteful predilections! Her other “nom
de plume”, Lamia, is a wee bit more perplexing…
Personal: Susan
and Ally met many years ago whilst studying in Paisley (the
town, not the clothes), and although Susan is originally from
Helensburgh (read: posh Weegie), they were brought together
by a shared love of Aberdeen Football Club.
Susan shares Paul’s talents for worrying,
and between them they can combine to create a force that drags
NATA along to airports, train stations and football matches
ridiculously early.
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